'
Q
: Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats?
A
: They might be cheetahs! . . . . .
Q
: Where do horses go when they are ill?
A
: The Horse-pital!! . . . . .
Q
: Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
A
: Too many cheetahs. . . . . .
Q
: Why did the cat join computer classes?
A
: To catch a mouse! . . . . .
Q
: What is so fragile even saying its name can break it?
A
: Silence . . . . .
Q
: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A
: To get to the Body Shop!! . . . . .
Q
: What do you call a hungry lion about to attack you?
A
: Sir! . . . . .
Q
: Why did the cow cross the road?
A
: To go to the movies . . . . .
Q
: What did the grape say when it got trodden on?
A
: Nothing, it just gave a little whine!! . . . . .
Q
: How did the basketball court get wet?
A
: The players dribbled all over it! . . . . .
Q
: Why do birds fly South?
A
: Because it’s too far to walk. . . . . .
Q
: How could a cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay two days, and ride out on Friday?
A
: His horse is called Friday . . . . .
Q
: What’s the same as half a loaf of bread?
A
: The other half . . . . .
Q
: What part of a football ground is never the same?
A
: The changing rooms! . . . . .
Q
: How do toads fly?
A
: By hopper-craft!! . . . . .
Q
: Why are football players never asked for dinner?
A
: Because they’re always dribbling! . . . . .
Q
: What is the largest ant in the world?
A
: Ant-artica . . . . .
Teacher:
The bell’s gone Gary.
Gary:
I didn’t take it! . . . . .
Q
: What did the astronauts say about the eight-legged aliens?
A
: Don’t worry, they’re armless!! . . . . .
Q
: When is the vet busiest?
A
: When it rains cats and dogs . . . . .
Q
: How did the frog cross the road?
A
: He used the Green Cross Toad! . . . . .
Q
: Where do cow astronauts travel?
A
: To the mooooon!! . . . . .
Q
: How do you make your coat last? -
A
: Make your trousers first!! . . . . .
Q
: What building has the most stories?
A
: The library . . . . .
Q
: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A
: To get to the Shell station! . . . . .
Q
: What’s black and white and red all over?
A
: Zebra with too much lipstick . . . . .
Q
: Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
A
: Too many cheetahs. . . . . .
Q
: What is a runner’s favourite subject in school?
A
: Jog-raphy! . . . . .
Q
: What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A
: Spook-ghetti!! . . . . .
Q
: Why did Santa lose his job?
A
: The elves gave him the sack!! . . . . .
Q
: What part of a football ground is never the same?
A
: The changing rooms! . . . . .
Q
: Where do cow astronauts travel?
A
: To the mooooon!! . . . . .
Q
: What sits in custard looking cross?
A
: Apple Grumble! . . . . .
Q
: What did the astronauts say about the eight-legged aliens?
A
: Don’t worry, they’re armless!! . . . . .
Q
: Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
A
: Too many cheetahs. . . . . .
Q
: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A
: Didn’t have the guts . . . . .
Q
: What do you call an Aardvark with a black eye and broken teeth?
A
: A Vark... . . . . .
Q
: What part of a football pitch smells nicest?
A
: The scenter spot! . . . . .
Q
: What part of a football pitch smells nicest?
A
: The scenter spot! . . . . .
Q
: Why should you never tell secrets in a garden?
A
: Because the corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beans talk (beanstalk) . . . . .
Q
: When is a car not a car?
A
: When it turns into a driveway . . . . .
Q
: Why did the chicken get sent off?
A
: For persistent fowl play! . . . . .
Young Boy:
Can I buy some bird seed, please?
Pet Shop Owner:
How many birds have you got?
Young Boy:
None, I want to grow some!! . . . . .
Q
: What do you get if you cross a dog and a frog?
A
: A croaker spaniel!! . . . . .
Q
: What sits in custard looking cross?
A
: Apple Grumble! . . . . .
Q
: Why did the chicken get sent off?
A
: For persistent fowl play! . . . . .
Q
: Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats?
A
: They might be cheetahs! . . . . . Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight. What happened to your three week diet? Player: I finished it in three days! . . . . .
Q
: Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game?
A
: It was a cup draw! . . . . .
Q
: What do you call a dog with no ears?
A
: Anything you like- he won’t come to you . . . . .
Q
: Why are clocks dirty?
A
: Because they work 24 hours a day, and never wash their hands or face!! . . . . . Q. Imagine you’re in a haunted house with monsters and ghosts surrounding you... how do you survive? A. Stop imagining! . . . . .
Q
: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A
: A towel . . . . .
Q
: What type of sandals do frogs wear?
A
: Open-Toad!! . . . . .
Q
: Why do birds fly South?
A
: Because it’s too far to walk. . . . . .
Q
: What do you call a dog with no ears?
A
: Anything you like- he won’t come to you . . . . .
Q
: Why did the cow cross the road?
A
: To go to the movies . . . . .
Q
: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A
: Didn’t have the guts . . . . .
Q
: What do snakes do after they have a fight?
A
: Hiss and make up . . . . .
Q
: What do you call an exploding monkey?
A
: A baBOOM! . . . . .
Q
: Did you hear about the football team who ate too much pudding?
A
: They got jellygated! . . . . .
Man:
Doctor, Doctor. My wife thinks she’s a clock!
Doctor:
Well stop winding her up then!! . . . . .
Q
: Why does Santa enjoy working in the garden?
A
: Because he likes to Ho-Ho-Ho!! . . . . .
Q
: What is black and white and black and white and black and white?
A
: A penguin rolling down a hill! . . . . .
Q
: How did the basketball court get wet?
A
: The players dribbled all over it! . . . . .
Man:
Doctor, Doctor. My wife thinks she’s a clock!
Doctor:
Well stop winding her up then!! . . . . .
Q
: What is a runner’s favourite subject in school?
A
: Jog-raphy! . . . . .
Q
: What building has the most stories?
A
: The library . . . . .
Q
: What do clouds wear under their clothes?
A
: Thunderwear . . . . .